When you grow up with four boys in the house, the chaos doesn’t stop. The fun is endless. It’s also over before you know it. Before long, the youngest of all four of us will turn 30. Where did the years go?
I admire each of my brothers uniquely – we’re all very different from one another, but we fit together like a puzzle of surprisingly divergent pieces. We don’t agree on everything, but higher than our own opinions, we retain a larger sense that we’re part of each other and of something greater than ourselves. In a world where the individual is increasingly king, that is one of my greatest treasures.
Although we all live in the same geographical area, it’s surprisingly hard to connect. Now that we’re adults, life is packed with responsibilities. One of my brothers has 4 kids and a rigorous engineering job. The other started a local restaurant…wait, make that 2. The youngest one travels with his band and jumped back into med school this year. We’re an active bunch, and that’s a great thing. It does make it hard, however, to connect on a regular basis. The grind is real.
One unique way I’ve been able to bond with my brothers is by taking international trips together. There is something about crossing borders into a new and neutral space that creates shared experience you can’t forget. While it doesn’t guarantee bonding, it tills the soil for new things to grow out of the old.
In 2012, my brother Jason and I took a trek back to Vietnam where I used to teach and study in the small coastal city of Quy Nhon. We spent long days with old friends, riding motorbikes by the sea, laughing while we peeled and cooked seafood, and celebrating my godson, Gia An, for the first time. Sure, we bickered here and there – the trip was like 20 days long. But we created some unique memories that I hark back to often. While most of our time was in Vietnam, we also stopped over in Burma and Spain on the way home. And thanks to travel hacking some United Airlines miles, the tickets were basically free. We calculated our combined expenses at right around $1,200 each for air and train travel, hotels, and meals. Incredible.
Of all of my brothers, Luke is the youngest and probably the most keen to travel (and until recently, had the most flexible schedule). He came to our wedding in Ecuador in 2014, and again in 2016 to visit to my wife’s family with us a few years later. For part of that time, Luke and I stole away to Chile for a week, just the two brothers. We hiked mountains, caught local buses to the beach, and drank many bottles of Malbec in and around Santiago, Valparaiso, and Olmué. Using miles and points, the flights were under $200. Luke’s a musician and I’m a starving father. Without these travel hacks, it wouldn’t have been possible or prudent. No trip is a magic bullet – meaning we had some kinks with travel and accommodations. But we adjusted expectations and created a great memory. I’ll never forget that unique experience – oldest and youngest brother wandering for a week deep in the southern hemisphere.
Last year, it was all 4 of us! Our dear friend David generously treated all 4 of us to a trip to Belize. We stayed in a jungle lodge that was perfectly earthy and yet abundant. All the perks of a resort without the unnatural shiny edges. We had a great time rehearsing old lines and making new memories, including cave tubing at Cave’s Branch. At one point on the tour, you float into a massive cave that is pitch black. We emerged a few minutes later, laughing, as we had all clung to one another’s tubes in the obscure blackout. The week together allowed me to have certain conversations with each brother that come more naturally with extended time together in a new space, for which I’m really thankful.
No two families are the same, with relationships ranging from inseparable to strained. No matter where yours fall on the spectrum, consider how you might deepen or cultivate friendship as adults in this season. How could you strengthen family relationships through the shared experience of travel? It doesn’t even have to be international (though of course, I’m biased). Even an overnight right outside of town is a great start.
Could I help you to craft a trip for you and a loved one? If so, check my toolkit: Pilgrimage to Any Country for Pennies. I’m not a travel agent – I won’t book your itinerary or do your detailed legwork, but through this toolkit, I lay out clear steps for how you can plan and create an unbelievably affordable and meaningful trip. Check it out!
